Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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