There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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