can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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