things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
