Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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