He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
