Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
