bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
