he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You smell like stripper and shame
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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