Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I color on your dick again?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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