I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
