I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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