drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
