I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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