It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My feet surprised me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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