Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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