final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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