i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
