Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
