So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
