i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
