My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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