Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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