apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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