We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
