i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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