i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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