i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
