Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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