Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
id be glad to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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