I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
