My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
