I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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