i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
