when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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