In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
