I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize