I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
