do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
