so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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