Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
