shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
