Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
