Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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