Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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