so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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