I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
