It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
