she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
