guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize