I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
