you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
