Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
