My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
