Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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