how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
