Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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