I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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