First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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