I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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